Good-Bye, Waist...

5 Weeks!

Farewell, my dearest waist. You are still much more squishy than I would have liked after our last journey outwards, but it was nice to have you while I could. 

See you in 8 months or so!

False Negative

So,  this morning I decided it was high time that I go to the clinic and make things officially official. Though, I didn't decide this until after I had just gone to the bathroom... *sigh* Luckily for me,  first trimester hormones were working in my favor and by the time we got there I REALLY had to pee again (yeah, this was only about 20 minutes later...) 

Anyway, went back with the nurse who handed me a cup and asked "are you expecting this to be positive or negative?" Now, at this point I had already taken 5 home pregnancy tests of varying sensitivity and brand and every last one came back with two little lines (starting 5 days ago) and I am 4 days past when my period was supposed to start,  so I was pretty darn positive it would be positive! Anyway, did my thing and went to meet the nurse who was standing there performing my test (ie. sticking a test strip in a cup) and she started asking me all these questions about what made me think I was pregnant.  I thought she was just making small talk at first,  but then eventually she said "well,  it's probably just too early,  I'll give it a couple more minutes to see if we can get anything." So we spent a minute or two continuing our slightly awkward conversation about all the reasons a person might think she is pregnant before she eventually pronounced the test to be negative and told me to come back in a couple weeks if my period hadn't started yet. 

Frustrating... and slightly unnerving to be honest. So, disappointed, we went home. I had one pregnancy test left over from my testing binge and I decided to take it as soon as I got home (yes, I already had enough of the necessary material to complete the test... haha), and sure enough, it was almost immediately positive! Not only that, but it was quite a bit darker than the test of the same brand I had taken 4 days earlier, which was extremely reassuring!

Anyway, in all my days of peeing on sticks, I have never gotten a false negative (even the dollar store tests came back with a pretty strong line this time around!), and the last thing I expected was to get one from the "official" test.  Oh well, at least with all the bloating, indigestion, fatigue, and needing to pee every five minutes, it seems pretty definite to me that I'm pregnant, no matter the results of that stupid test...

*Update* 7/11:

Went back in to the clinic today and had almost an IDENTICAL experience to the one I had on Monday... *sigh* Either that nurse doesn't know how to read a pregnancy test, or they are the LEAST sensitive tests in the world, but either way, SO FRUSTRATING! However, we finally managed to get a faint line and that was enough to call it! So it's official, we've got a baby on the way!

Baby Smith #2

So... I'm expecting! We just got a positive pregnancy test (and a few since...) on Thursday--happy 4th of July to us! 

Baby Smith #2 is going to be joining us St. Patrick's Day (03/17/14)!

So far I don't have many 1st trimester symptoms going on; I'm a little more tired than usual, I have to pee a bit more frequently, and my tummy has been a little uncomfortable for the last week or so, but other than that, things are good! I feel a little bit like Marshall on How I Met Your Mother, when he's waiting for the food poisoning to kick in... Last time around, the morning sickness, super-human sense of smell thing, and the crippling fatigue hit me full force around 7 weeks... So I feel like I've only got a couple more weeks to enjoy life before utter misery sets in (at least until around 12 weeks, which is when I finally started feeling better).  I guess I have no idea how this one is going to go, could be worse, could be better... But I'm REALLY hoping for better!!

With this pregnancy one thing I'm loving is how incredibly excited and on-board Karl is. With Evie, it was definitely a mutual decision that it was time for a baby to join our family, but he still had a lot of reservations (which is totally understandable). This time though, he just loves Evie so much and has loved having her as a part of our little "team" for the last year and a half, so he's much more happy with the idea of this new baby. Also, I feel like he's a lot more understanding and it's more real to him now that we've gone through this process once already. Last time around he was really great by the end, but I think the first couple of months are so surreal (for mommy too, but especially for dad) that it's easy for daddies to be a little disconnected for awhile. I feel like he's a lot more conscious of the whole thing from the very beginning this time.

I feel like I'm definitely in a different place too with this baby. Last time I really wanted a baby, but I really couldn't fathom adding another person to our comfortable little couple. This time I do still have my brief thoughts in the back of my mind about how it will be to add another person to our perfect little trio, but at the same time, I know full well that we can do it. I know it will take adjustments, but it's one of those things you just "do", it kind of just happens over time and it doesn't need to be a huge deal. Even though I'm sure there will be a lot of hard moments to work through, I am just so happy for this baby. I feel like Evie will be a fantastic big sister and we are all just so ready to welcome this new little person into our lives!

Wish us luck! I'm praying for a happy and healthy next 8.5 months!

So... I'm a Mommy!

As of Thursday, December 8th, at 11:45 am, I am officially a mommy!  Evie May Smith was 6 lbs 3 oz, 19 inches, and the most adorable thing I've ever seen :)

I really can't believe it's been a month already!!! To be completely honest, I'm still stuck somewhere in early-mid December, lol!  I just thought it might be time to FINALLY write down my birth story (now that bebe is over a month old!).

So, December 7th, after school Karl and I went in for my 40 week (and one day) appointment at 3 o'clock in the afternoon.  The midwives were really concerned about the incredibly awful rash I developed all over my body and really wanted to induce me, but they said my bishop score (cervix position, dilation, effacement, and baby's position) wasn't high enough--which was probably a good thing, because as much as I didn't want to induce, I was EXTREMELY miserable and in no position to resist the temptation! Anyway, they swept my membranes and sent me over to the hospital to do another non-stress test and more blood work (they were really hoping to find some reason to induce me).

Now, Karl and I were both running on very little sleep at this point--between my itching and all the final projects and studying keeping us up all night, we were completely worn out that day! We were half falling asleep the whole hour long wait at radiology for our ultrasound (the results of which were "Everything looks great! Baby is fine!") AND during the two hours we spent in labor and delivery hooked up to monitors and waiting for test results (just to be told "You're fine! Baby's fine!").  After all that we didn't get home until 7 o' clock... Which was really frustrating because both Karl and I had a TON to get done for the next day--Karl had several huge sections of math homework due and two tests to study for, and I had to compile/edit a final group paper and prepare a presentation for Thursday morning (yes, this is our combined procrastination at its finest!). All in all a very frustrating afternoon.  On the bright side though, we did get to see our cute little monkey on the inside one more time!

Look at that cutie! You can even see her fuzzy little head!

Anyway, after all our adventures at the hospital we rushed home and dove into all our homework head first!  At around five-ish I had started having contractions, but they were about the same as the ones I'd been having off and on for over a week (regular, close together, but mostly just uncomfortable), so I wasn't too excited about it (although I was REALLY hoping something was happening!).  They did keep going though, and by 10 o'clock they were moving past the uncomfortable stage into the painful stage--they hurt just enough to be distracting from my loads of homework I needed to get done!!  Around that time my parents came over and my dad and Karl gave me a blessing so that I'd be able to get through my homework and not be too uncomfortable (at this point I was still not getting my hopes up for labor--too many nights spent with contractions to be very optimistic!).

Karl and I both finished/gave up on our homework at about 2:30 in the morning.  I emailed the my powerpoint presentation and the final paper to my group-mates and we headed to bed. 

Ok, here's the weird thing, right about the time I FINALLY got in bed and started trying to go to sleep, my contractions completely stopped for about fifteen minutes... Then suddenly they hit me like a freight train!  They were suddenly INTENSELY painful and really close together!  I tried really hard to just stay in bed and relax (since everything I had read said to try to stay home as long as possible), but I couldn't keep quiet, lol!  Karl woke up with all my groaning, I told him to go back to sleep, buuuut with my contractions about three minutes apart and pretty dern painful, he kind of ignored me, popped out of bed and started running around trying to time contractions, emailing my group to let them know I would probably be missing our presentation, and taking our stuff out to the car.

I texted my mom, called the midwife, and we finally decided it was time to go.

We got to the hospital around 3:30 am and I got to sit in the little triage room for an hour while they checked my progression.  Luckily I went from a 3 to a 4 in the hour I was there (yay!), so they let me stay.  I was so terrified that I wouldn't be progressing and they would send me home, so I was overjoyed with the news!

The nurse came in to move me to the labor/delivery room and the very first thing she said to me was, "when would you like to start your drugs?"  That question actually made me pause, and the thought flashed through my mind, "if this isn't even the worst part, maybe I should get those drugs...", but luckily for me my mom sensed my hesitation and was there to tell her that I didn't want anything.  When my mom said that, the nurse was pretty grumpy, she started talking about other drugs other than an epidural, but my mom said we were ok.  I was pretty taken aback by her reaction to me wanting to go un-medicated, and to be honest, I was really hoping for a shift change and a new nurse.  I just didn't like how negative she was being and I really didn't want to have to deal with that for however many more hours this whole thing took... But more on that in a minute ;)

As soon as they would let me, I got into the bathtub which, I have to say, was an absolute life saver!  The contractions were much easier to handle in the water, it was loverly.  I spent most of my labor in the tub, I didn't really realize it (my sense of time was sooo off during this whole process), but I was actually in there for hours!  I kept having to have Karl put more hot water in because it would get cold.  My mom knelt by the tub and she would put her hand on my forehead and either she or Karl would be holding my hand.  That kept me kind of grounded and kept me from getting overwhelmed by each contraction. Between contractions my mom and I just talked, which is what we always do.  My mom and I can talk for hours on end, so I really think that helped the time pass for me.  I could not have done it without my mom; Karl and I are so grateful that she was there to help us get our bitty baby into the world!  I feel really bad that she had to spend so many hours kneeling on the bathroom floor for me, but I'm so thankful she was willing to do it!!

The nurse (the mean one), came in a couple of times and it was interesting, because as she watched me (and my "team") labor, she really changed her attitude.  One of the times she came in she told us how impressed she was by how well we seemed to have things down, especially since this was my first labor.  It was weird to see her change so completely from this almost resentful "you're-going-to-be-so-much-more-work-for-me-because-you-won't-take-the-stupid-drugs" attitude, to one of respect for what I was doing and how well   I was doing it (not trying to toot my own horn or anything, haha).

Anyway, I have heard people describe contractions as waves; they aren't just sudden attacks of pain, they start small and get worse and worse, peak, then they back off.  I never really understood that metaphor, I mean, it makes sense, but I didn't really understand it until I lived it.  I felt like with each contraction I had to stay "on top" of the wave/pain by keeping myself as relaxed as possible through the whole thing and letting my body do its work.  The minute I started to tense up I would start to get overwhelmed and I felt like I was drowning in the pain.  As I got closer to transition there were so many times when I would sit there through a contraction saying "I can't, I can't, I can't, I can't", but my mom would reassure me and talk me through it, and I would change my "chant" to "I can, I can, I can".  I don't feel like I could ever really explain the labor experience to those who have not done it, but as strange as this all sounds, it makes perfect sense to me, haha!  As bad as it all was, I really felt like I could stay on top of it and that I could do it through this entire stage of labor.  I feel like I got into a groove and we just pushed along for a few hours in the tub... Then came the point when I started feeling completely overwhelmed by each contraction...  I'm so glad that I knew enough to realize (when gently reminded, because I was kind of out of my right mind) that I was in transition, which is the shortest phase and so I was getting close to being done!!

The midwife finally came in and checked me and they decided that I would probably be completely dilated and ready to push if they broke my water.  So they got me out of the tub (boo!!!!) and into the hospital bed and broke my water.  Pretty quickly after that I was seriously in the most intense pain EVER.  The midwife thought she would help me out by pushing on my knees, which some women find helpful, but it like instantly made everything ten times worse.  I think it really says something about my personality that even with that much pain I let her do it through a whole contraction and a half before basically squirming up the bed and asking her to stop... Because I didn't want to offend her, haha!! Interestingly enough though, even in transition, we were still joking around and everyone thought it was funny that I was still able to smile between contractions.  At least one book I read told me that I shouldn't go to the hospital until I could no longer smile in between contractions; if I'd gone with that advice I wouldn't have left my house until I was completely dilated!!

Yes, this is an actual picture of me during transition... Thank you paparazzi Karl ;)

And then the pushing started... Which I have to say was the WORST part of the whole experience.  This was the only other time during my whole labor that I even thought about drugs... and even then it was a regretful "dang it, can't get drugs now... I guess I'm just going to have to die".... Haha.  One of the things I would really like to do differently next time is to NOT be lying on my back while I push.  That was one thing I did have in my "unofficial birth plan", but they had me lying down for some reason, and I was so out of it by that time, I didn't even think to ask to change positions.  

Pushing was SO hard.  

Some women like the pushing part because they feel more in control, but I really had a hard time with it.  I felt a constant urge to push, there weren't really any breaks, so while everyone was trying to coach me in my pushing, I was having a terrible time.  I pushed for I think around 40 minutes to an hour and Evie was just taking her time, not wanting to come down the birth canal, and she ended up "crowning" for what felt like a MILLION years.  Her head kept coming out little by little and then moving back... Extremely frustrating!  I remember exclaiming (very exasperatedly), "WHY WON'T SHE COME OUT???".  Everyone kept reassuring me that she was coming, but I just knew that she was never coming out, they were going to have to cut me open or something, because there was just no way that baby was ever coming out!!

 By the end I was so tired (I'd been up for over 24 hours at this point) and I kept hyperventilating so I ended up with an oxygen mask, and they tried to put a monitor on Evie's head to keep an eye on her, but she  had so much hair it didn't work!  By this point, I really had no idea who was in the room, I vaguely remember looking over at Karl who I could tell was having a hard time watching me in so much pain, but I really could have cared less who was down there catching the baby.  I know there were about 6 people in the room (including my mom and Karl), but the only one I really remember was that nurse.  Yes, the mean one I wanted to leave when I was first admitted.  She kept me focused on her face and kept telling me to breathe and when to push.  I don't think I could have kept pushing if it weren't for her.  I was pretty happy (after everything was said and done) that I didn't exchange her for a nicer model, haha.

  

After an hour-ish of pushing, being in the hospital for about 8 hours, and having contractions for about 19 hours, and having not slept at all in over 24 hours, Evie May Smith finally decided to grace us with her presence at 11:45 am (about 30 minutes after I should have been doing my final presentation!).

She was wide awake and didn't cry for several minutes, and even then it was just a little bit of protest crying at being manhandled.  This kind of freaked Karl out, but no one else was concerned.  She was perfectly healthy, she was just a very laid back baby :)

Right afterward I was extremely tired (which is mostly due to the fact that I had barely slept in weeks), I did have a couple of slight tears that needed to be stitched (yeeeah, that was NOT comfortable), they kept pushing on my abdomen, and I all I could think was "I already pushed out the baby, can't I just be done with the pain now??".  I was a little bit out of it and I honestly felt kind of disappointed, I was told that as soon as that baby is born it's such a rush and there's all this bonding and stuff, but I just felt like I'd had the life sucked out of me by that machine from the Princess Bride.  I really wasn't sure I even wanted to hold my baby because I was feeling so out of it.  Then I looked over at Karl, who was holding Evie, and he just looked so smitten with her, he was almost giddy just looking at her; it was awesome to see.  I finally was done being bothered, they handed her to me... and it was amazing.  Even though just ten minutes before I felt like death warmed over, in just a few minutes after holding her I felt fantastic.  I just wanted to hold her and keep looking at her and looking at her.  People kept telling me I should get some rest, but I couldn't sleep for anything; I wanted to be up and about and I wanted to talk to people and do stuff.... The difference was crazy!!  It was like I had taken an energy shot or something.

After that whole experience I felt so empowered, like I had just put myself--my body and mind--through an impossible challenge, and I had made it!  I did it!  After that I felt like I could do absolutely anything.  It really was probably the closest thing I will ever get to experiencing a "high", and that high really got me through the next couple of months of little sleep, lots of diapers, and the whole transition to motherhood.

Later that afternoon after everybody had finally left us to ourselves, I was talking to Karl about the whole experience and he told me how much he respected me for what I did.  We had chosen to do this with no drugs because we felt like it was the healthiest choice for our baby, and after watching how incredibly hard and painful it was and seeing that I didn't give up, he told me how much more he respected me after all that.  Not that he didn't respect me before, haha, but he was very impressed by what I went through for our baby.  I'm really not saying this to brag or anything, that was just one of the biggest (and actually unexpected) "perks" of the whole experience.  I feel like I need to share how incredibly much that meant to me to have him say that.  I didn't do this to have Karl (the nurses, or anybody else) think that I'm awesome or anything, but it really was a great experience for us to go through as a couple, I think.

I really enjoyed my natural childbirth experience, I feel like I've grown so much personally and learned a lot about myself and what I'm really capable of.  I definitely will be doing it again, I don't regret it in the least.  Also, I've been assured that the first labor is the longest/the longest time pushing, so I'm hoping things will be a little easier next time around ;)  

We are so excited to have our little Evie May here with us, it has been quite the adventure, and we are looking forward to many years of adventures to come!!

39 Weeks and Non-Stressed!

Soooo BIG

 Just hit 39 weeks today and due to some iffy blood work results, baby and  I got to celebrate by going in for a "non-stress test", yay!

Luckily everything looks fine, although Evie was napping and REALLY didn't want to wake up (the nurse used a little buzzer to wake her and she kicked at it once and went right back to sleeping!).  In other news, when the nurse was looking at the ultrasound she said "looks like baby has some hair there! At least, on the back of her head."  I'm not quite sure how she could even see hair (we looked and weren't even sure we were looking at her head!), but if she does have hair I'm really hoping it's on her WHOLE head, not just the back--just not that into the Danny DeVito look for my baby girl, haha.

I'm superly excited to finally meet this little character in person!  It's getting so close!!

My life is over...

Ok, that is an incredibly over dramatic statement, I will admit it.  What I MEAN to say is that sometime in the next couple of weeks here, life as I know it will be over for ever.  To me, that is incredibly amazing, wonderful, and a little bit terrifying all at the same time!  It will never just be me and Karl like this again and I will never be pregnant and childless again.  As soon as she is born I'm going to be a mother, something I've never been before! We're going to be a little family instead of just a couple! I'm so excited and nervous and happy and scared all at once!!  I love her so much already, I can't wait to hold her and see her, but I know it's going to be hard too!!  Anyway, just thought I would get that out there :)

 

The Waiting Game

Waiting... Waiting... Waiting...

I'm now almost 38 weeks, and the waiting game has more than officially begun :/  I wouldn't be quite so anxious if I wasn't so uncomfortable!   I've been having pretty darn painful contractions for the last couple of days, but no actual labor yet.  This week is Thanksgiving break, so I would be more than happy for her to decide to show up in the next couple of days!!  I guess, on the other hand, if she decided to stay for the next two weeks then I could at least get more classes/school work under my belt before taking the plunge into motherhood.  I just don't know if I'm going to be able to get much done, or even walk anymore, if she doesn't come out soon!  I think my body has decided to fall apart in the last couple weeks, lol!  I guess we'll just have to wait and see what happens... So crazy trying to prepare for something when I have no idea when it will happen!!

I feel like I have more to say, but I'm just superly exhausted and I'm technically supposed to be working on homework (I should probably get as much done as I can before baby decides to show up!).  I feel so bad that I've been majorly slacking on the blogging thing lately!  So many thoughts, so many changes, so much going on... Oh well, maybe someday I'll get back with the program!

Hobby Lobby Adventures ;)

Let me just start by saying that I love Hobby Lobby... It is an extremely dangerous place for me to wander into when I have my wallet with me, haha.  That being said, the other day I found out that my 11:30 class had been canceled (after driving all the way to school), and seeing as my next class wasn't until 1:00 and Hobby Lobby was juuuust up the street, I decided to go waste some time there.  It seemed like a really good plan.  

I spent some time wandering, and wishing I could buy all the Fall/Halloween decor (and wishing that I had a cute house for it all to go in!), and then I decided it was time to get down to business.  I really wanted to buy some wooden letters for Evie's room--all the crafty mom's make them for THEIR kids, so I decided I needed some too (darn you Etsy and Pinterest!!).

I found some superly cute curly letters and I was just about to start looking at cute scrapbook paper to decorate them with, when I realized I wasn't feeling the greatest.  My arms were feeling really fatigued just from holding the letters and my purse and I just wasn't feeling "right".  So I thought, "ok, I'll just go check out and I can go sit in the car til I feel better."  Bad plan, but I REALLY wanted to buy my letters.  I got to the checkout line and I knew I was in trouble.  My vision was starting to get a little bit blurry and I felt like I was going to pass out.  Normally at this point I would sit down, but I was in the middle of the check out line and wearing my nice slacks, so I thought I'd just tough it out a few more minutes, buy my things, and run out to my car.  

Yeah, I'm brilliant. 

There were only two people ahead of me in line, but I swear they took FOREVER!!  Finally it was my turn, and as the girl started ringing me up, I congratulated myself on making it.  That's is, until I realized that I couldn't hear anything, my vision was almost completely black, I had lost all concept of time, and I could feel my head going down towards the checkout counter...  Luckily, through some miracle, I "came to" enough to catch myself before I face planted (my face was inches from the counter at this point).  I could see and think just well enough to fumble through sliding my card, grabbing my receipt, and running out to the car... 

I must have looked absolutely crazy. 

After I sat down for a couple minutes I felt fine, embarrassed and stupid for staying in line when I knew what was coming, but fine none the less...

Seems that Hobby Lobby may be dangerous to more than just my wallet!

Well, now that you know how much sacrifice and effort went into purchasing the darn letters, I am now pleased to present...

The craftiest thing I've done in a long time!!

Bad lighting, but you get the picture!

 

This picture shows the patterns much better :)

We now cannot under any circumstances decide on a different name, because these letters took SO much work!!!  I'm just glad that "Evie" is only four letters long, because I probably would have given up and screamed if I had to make any more!!

I think they're cute, not even close to perfect (this is seriously my first time trying anything like this!), but good enough :)

Labor & Delivery

Got to make my first visit to labor and deliver last night!  It was superly fun and exciting, kinda like Disney Land!  Ok, that's a lie, I really dislike doctors and hospitals, but since I love my baby and my hubby (who was stressing) I went any way. 

I've been feeling my Braxton Hicks since the end of my first trimester, so they're not really that huge of a deal anymore (although I admit they're getting way more uncomfortable!), but on Saturday night I started having a lot, pretty regularly.  I think at one point they were less than 5 minutes apart, which made me nervous, but I ended up just drinking a bunch of water and falling asleep.  Sunday morning and afternoon I was having a lot, but they were pretty random, so I again, drank a ton and tried to stay in bed as much as possible.  By Sunday night they were getting really regular and close together again--despite all my efforts--so when Karl got home he made me call my midwife and she told me to go to labor and delivery, yay!

We got there, had to answer a million questions, I got to be examined in all sorts of uncomfortable ways, and got all hooked up to the monitors, and as soon as I laid down in that bed, my contractions stopped!  I was having them up until the minute I walked into the hospital room, and then, nothing!!  I must say I was more than a tiny bit frustrated with my silly body (thanks for making me look like a crazy person-_-)!! Oh, and can I also mention that I started having them again as I walked out to the parking lot... *sigh*

On the bright side, we got to hear baby, and she seems to be doing wonderfully!  My cervix is still closed and everything seems to still be going well, which relieves a lot of anxiety for me!  Still don't know why I've been having so many contractions lately, I guess my uterus is just really excited about getting ready for the big day?  I wish I had as much motivation to work out as my uterus seems to!

Anyway, that's what Karl and I got to do last night, and as much as we enjoyed it, I'm hoping to not have to do it again for about 6 or 7 weeks!

"A" for Attendence

I would just like to officially and publicly pat myself on the back for making it through the entire first month of school without missing a single class.  This may not seem like a huge accomplishment to anyone else, but it's a big deal for me!  Taking into consideration that I've had "senioritis" since last semester, sitting through my hour and 15 minute classes is literally painful, I'm sleepy, and that all I want to do is focus on all things "baby", I'm very proud of myself for getting out the door and to my classes everyday!!  I have a feeling that things are only going to get harder the closer I get to the end, but I can do it!! ...Or so I have to keep telling myself, anyway!!