As of Thursday, December 8th, at
11:45 am, I am officially a mommy! Evie May Smith was 6 lbs 3 oz, 19
inches, and the most adorable thing I've ever seen :)
I
really can't believe it's been a month already!!! To be completely
honest, I'm still stuck somewhere in early-mid December, lol! I just
thought it might be time to FINALLY write down my birth story (now that
bebe is over a month old!).
So,
December 7th, after school Karl and I went in for my 40 week (and one
day) appointment at 3 o'clock in the afternoon. The midwives were
really concerned about the incredibly awful rash I developed all over my
body and really wanted to induce me, but they said my bishop score
(cervix position, dilation, effacement, and baby's position) wasn't high
enough--which was probably a good thing, because as much as I didn't
want to induce, I was EXTREMELY miserable and in no position to resist
the temptation! Anyway, they swept my membranes and sent me over to the
hospital to do another non-stress test and more blood work (they were
really hoping to find some reason to induce me).
Now,
Karl and I were both running on very little sleep at this
point--between my itching and all the final projects and studying
keeping us up all night, we were completely worn out that day! We were
half falling asleep the whole hour long wait at radiology for our
ultrasound (the results of which were "Everything looks great! Baby is
fine!") AND during the two hours we spent in labor and delivery hooked
up to monitors and waiting for test results (just to be told "You're
fine! Baby's fine!"). After all that we didn't get home until 7 o'
clock... Which was really frustrating because both Karl and I had a TON
to get done for the next day--Karl had several huge sections of math
homework due and two tests to study for, and I had to compile/edit a
final group paper and prepare a presentation for Thursday morning (yes,
this is our combined procrastination at its finest!). All in all a very
frustrating afternoon. On the bright side though, we did get to see our
cute little monkey on the inside one more time!
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| Look at that cutie! You can even see her fuzzy little head! |
Anyway, after all our adventures at the hospital we
rushed home and dove into all our homework head first! At around
five-ish I had started having contractions, but they were about the same
as the ones I'd been having off and on for over a week (regular, close
together, but mostly just uncomfortable), so I wasn't too excited about
it (although I was REALLY hoping something was happening!). They did
keep going though, and by 10 o'clock they were moving past the
uncomfortable stage into the painful stage--they hurt just enough to be
distracting from my loads of homework I needed to get done!! Around
that time my parents came over and my dad and Karl gave me a blessing so
that I'd be able to get through my homework and not be too
uncomfortable (at this point I was still not getting my hopes up for
labor--too many nights spent with contractions to be very optimistic!).
Karl
and I both finished/gave up on our homework at about 2:30 in the
morning. I emailed the my powerpoint presentation and the final paper
to my group-mates and we headed to bed.
Ok,
here's the weird thing, right about the time I FINALLY got in bed and
started trying to go to sleep, my contractions completely stopped for
about fifteen minutes... Then suddenly they hit me like a freight train!
They were suddenly INTENSELY painful and really close together! I
tried really hard to just stay in bed and relax (since everything I had
read said to try to stay home as long as possible), but I couldn't keep
quiet, lol! Karl woke up with all my groaning, I told him to go back to
sleep, buuuut with my contractions about three minutes apart and pretty
dern painful, he kind of ignored me, popped out of bed and started
running around trying to time contractions, emailing my group to let
them know I would probably be missing our presentation, and taking our
stuff out to the car.
I texted my mom, called the midwife, and we finally decided it was time to go.
We
got to the hospital around 3:30 am and I got to sit in the little
triage room for an hour while they checked my progression. Luckily I
went from a 3 to a 4 in the hour I was there (yay!), so they let me
stay. I was so terrified that I wouldn't be progressing and they would
send me home, so I was overjoyed with the news!
The
nurse came in to move me to the labor/delivery room and the very first
thing she said to me was, "when would you like to start your drugs?"
That question actually made me pause, and the thought flashed through
my mind, "if this isn't even the worst part, maybe I should get those
drugs...", but luckily for me my mom sensed my hesitation and was there
to tell her that I didn't want anything. When my mom said that, the
nurse was pretty grumpy, she started talking about other drugs other
than an epidural, but my mom said we were ok. I was pretty taken aback
by her reaction to me wanting to go un-medicated, and to be honest, I
was really hoping for a shift change and a new nurse. I just didn't
like how negative she was being and I really didn't want to have to deal
with that for however many more hours this whole thing took... But more
on that in a minute ;)
As soon as they would let me, I
got into the bathtub which, I have to say, was an absolute life saver!
The contractions were much easier to handle in the water, it was
loverly. I spent most of my labor in the tub, I didn't really realize
it (my sense of time was sooo off during this whole process), but I was
actually in there for hours! I kept having to have Karl put more hot
water in because it would get cold. My mom knelt by the tub and she
would put her hand on my forehead and either she or Karl would be
holding my hand. That kept me kind of grounded and kept me from getting
overwhelmed by each contraction. Between contractions my mom and I just
talked, which is what we always do. My mom and I can talk for hours on
end, so I really think that helped the time pass for me. I could not
have done it without my mom; Karl and I are so grateful that she was
there to help us get our bitty baby into the world! I feel really bad
that she had to spend so many hours kneeling on the bathroom floor for
me, but I'm so thankful she was willing to do it!!
The
nurse (the mean one), came in a couple of times and it was interesting,
because as she watched me (and my "team") labor, she really changed her
attitude. One of the times she came in she told us how impressed she
was by how well we seemed to have things down, especially since this was
my first labor. It was weird to see her change so completely from this
almost resentful
"you're-going-to-be-so-much-more-work-for-me-because-you-won't-take-the-stupid-drugs"
attitude, to one of respect for what I was doing and how well I was
doing it (not trying to toot my own horn or anything, haha).
Anyway,
I have heard people describe contractions as waves; they aren't just
sudden attacks of pain, they start small and get worse and worse, peak,
then they back off. I never really understood that metaphor, I mean, it
makes sense, but I didn't really understand it until I lived it. I
felt like with each contraction I had to stay "on top" of the wave/pain
by keeping myself as relaxed as possible through the whole thing and
letting my body do its work. The minute I started to tense up I would
start to get overwhelmed and I felt like I was drowning in the pain. As
I got closer to transition there were so many times when I would sit
there through a contraction saying "I can't, I can't, I can't, I can't",
but my mom would reassure me and talk me through it, and I would change
my "chant" to "I can, I can, I can". I don't feel like I could ever
really explain the labor experience to those who have not done it, but
as strange as this all sounds, it makes perfect sense to me, haha! As
bad as it all was, I really felt like I could stay on top of it and that
I could do it through this entire stage of labor. I feel like I got
into a groove and we just pushed along for a few hours in the
tub... Then came the point when I started feeling completely overwhelmed
by each contraction... I'm so glad that I knew enough to realize (when
gently reminded, because I was kind of out of my right mind) that I was
in transition, which is the shortest phase and so I was getting close
to being done!!
The midwife finally came in and
checked me and they decided that I would probably be completely dilated
and ready to push if they broke my water. So they got me out of the tub
(boo!!!!) and into the hospital bed and broke my water. Pretty quickly
after that I was seriously in the most intense pain EVER. The midwife
thought she would help me out by pushing on my knees, which some women
find helpful, but it like instantly made everything ten times worse. I
think it really says something about my personality that even with that
much pain I let her do it through a whole contraction and a half before
basically squirming up the bed and asking her to stop... Because I
didn't want to offend her, haha!! Interestingly enough though, even in
transition, we were still joking around and everyone thought it was
funny that I was still able to smile between contractions. At least one
book I read told me that I shouldn't go to the hospital until I could
no longer smile in between contractions; if I'd gone with that advice I
wouldn't have left my house until I was completely dilated!!
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| Yes, this is an actual picture of me during transition... Thank you paparazzi Karl ;) |
And then the pushing started... Which I have to say
was the WORST part of the whole experience. This was the only other
time during my whole labor that I even thought about drugs... and even
then it was a regretful "dang it, can't get drugs now... I guess I'm
just going to have to die".... Haha. One of the things I would really
like to do differently next time is to NOT be lying on my back while I
push. That was one thing I did have in my "unofficial birth plan", but
they had me lying down for some reason, and I was so out of it by that
time, I didn't even think to ask to change positions.
Pushing was SO hard.
Some
women like the pushing part because they feel more in control, but I
really had a hard time with it. I felt a constant urge to push, there
weren't really any breaks, so while everyone was trying to coach me in
my pushing, I was having a terrible time. I pushed for I think around
40 minutes to an hour and Evie was just taking her time, not wanting to
come down the birth canal, and she ended up "crowning" for what felt
like a MILLION years. Her head kept coming out little by little and
then moving back... Extremely frustrating! I remember exclaiming (very
exasperatedly), "WHY WON'T SHE COME OUT???". Everyone kept reassuring
me that she was coming, but I just knew that she was never coming out,
they were going to have to cut me open or something, because there was
just no way that baby was ever coming out!!
By the end
I was so tired (I'd been up for over 24 hours at this point) and I kept
hyperventilating so I ended up with an oxygen mask, and they tried to
put a monitor on Evie's head to keep an eye on her, but she had so much
hair it didn't work! By this point, I really had no idea who was in
the room, I vaguely remember looking over at Karl who I could tell was
having a hard time watching me in so much pain, but I really could have
cared less who was down there catching the baby. I know there were
about 6 people in the room (including my mom and Karl), but the only one
I really remember was that nurse. Yes, the mean one I wanted to leave
when I was first admitted. She kept me focused on her face and kept
telling me to breathe and when to push. I don't think I could have kept
pushing if it weren't for her. I was pretty happy (after everything
was said and done) that I didn't exchange her for a nicer model, haha.
After
an hour-ish of pushing, being in the hospital for about 8 hours, and
having contractions for about 19 hours, and having not slept at all in
over 24 hours, Evie May Smith finally decided to grace us with her
presence at 11:45 am (about 30 minutes after I should have been doing my
final presentation!).
She
was wide awake and didn't cry for several minutes, and even then it was
just a little bit of protest crying at being manhandled. This kind of
freaked Karl out, but no one else was concerned. She was perfectly
healthy, she was just a very laid back baby :)
Right
afterward I was extremely tired (which is mostly due to the fact that I
had barely slept in weeks), I did have a couple of slight tears that
needed to be stitched (yeeeah, that was NOT comfortable), they kept
pushing on my abdomen, and I all I could think was "I already pushed out
the baby, can't I just be done with the pain now??". I was a little
bit out of it and I honestly felt kind of disappointed, I was told that
as soon as that baby is born it's such a rush and there's all this
bonding and stuff, but I just felt like I'd had the life sucked out of
me by that machine from the Princess Bride. I really wasn't sure I even
wanted to hold my baby because I was feeling so out of it. Then I
looked over at Karl, who was holding Evie, and he just looked so smitten
with her, he was almost giddy just looking at her; it was awesome to
see. I finally was done being bothered, they handed her to me... and it
was amazing. Even though just ten minutes before I felt like death
warmed over, in just a few minutes after holding her I felt fantastic.
I just wanted to hold her and keep looking at her and looking at her.
People kept telling me I should get some rest, but I couldn't sleep for
anything; I wanted to be up and about and I wanted to talk to people
and do stuff.... The difference was crazy!! It was like I had taken an
energy shot or something.
After that whole
experience I felt so empowered, like I had just put myself--my body and
mind--through an impossible challenge, and I had made it! I did it!
After that I felt like I could do absolutely anything. It really was
probably the closest thing I will ever get to experiencing a "high", and
that high really got me through the next couple of months of little
sleep, lots of diapers, and the whole transition to motherhood.
Later
that afternoon after everybody had finally left us to ourselves, I was
talking to Karl about the whole experience and he told me how much he
respected me for what I did. We had chosen to do this with no drugs
because we felt like it was the healthiest choice for our baby, and
after watching how incredibly hard and painful it was and seeing that I
didn't give up, he told me how much more he respected me after all that.
Not that he didn't respect me before, haha, but he was very impressed
by what I went through for our baby. I'm really not saying this to brag
or anything, that was just one of the biggest (and actually unexpected)
"perks" of the whole experience. I feel like I need to share how
incredibly much that meant to me to have him say that. I didn't do this
to have Karl (the nurses, or anybody else) think that I'm awesome or
anything, but it really was a great experience for us to go through as a
couple, I think.
I
really enjoyed my natural childbirth experience, I feel like I've grown
so much personally and learned a lot about myself and what I'm really
capable of. I definitely will be doing it again, I don't regret it in
the least. Also, I've been assured that the first labor is the
longest/the longest time pushing, so I'm hoping things will be a little
easier next time around ;)
We
are so excited to have our little Evie May here with us, it has been
quite the adventure, and we are looking forward to many years of
adventures to come!!
