So BIG

I swear this little guy must have had another growth spurt because I am feeling so incredibly big and full of baby! I seriously feel like there's no way he could get any bigger without causing me to explode... and yet I know he's got a few inches and pounds to go-yikes!

I've noticed the past few days my posture has been horrible; I've had a constant "sway back" because it's so incredibly uncomfortable and nearly impossible to engage my abs and "suck in". My bladder seems like it's always full and always being leaned on or stretched against or punched. I also feel like my muscles are being torn apart at the top of my abs (not a comfy feeling).

Also,  it's now official, I can barely get out of the couch or bed on my own anymore, and putting on my own boots is an incredible feat.

All that, on top of having so very many braxton hicks, has me truly wondering how I'm going to make it through two and a half more months!

Hello 3rd trimester! Hello Baby!

Getting bigger! Can't believe we still have a ways to grow!!

I'm 28 weeks today; we've made it to our last trimester! YAY! So excited that we're getting closer!
In the last week or so baby has been moving a TON, suddenly lots of elbows and knees I think ;) I think he must've had a growth spurt, because it's been really hard to feel him from the outside up until this point, and it's been mostly random little kicks. These days he feels like he's wiggling all over the place! Karl's kind of felt him a couple of times in the past little while, but he REALLY felt him last night for the first time.

It's also been really weird because movements I feel super well from the inside can't be felt from the outside, but some that I can't feel at all are very obvious from the outside. I blame my anterior placenta... It really is annoying some times.

I did my glucose test at my prenatal appointment this week and PASSED! THANK HEAVENS!! I am still anemic, though unfortunately, so I've got to get on top of that better :/ I also finally got my results back about the whole infection thing, and they were negative! Yay!

The other awesome thing about today was that we got to go to our fourth ultrasound and see the babe!

Perfect little profile :) Little arm under his chin. Love that little nosey and those lips!

Evie and Karl came, and while I was getting checked in they were running around the lobby. The old lady at the information desk came up to them and Karl was sure they were in trouble, but instead she gave Evie a cute little baby doll... I'm glad people think she's so cute, I don't think she'd get away with most of her antics otherwise! When I asked her where she got the dolly she told me that Grandma Janice (Karl's grandma) had given it to her, which I thought was funny and cute.

Evie was also SUPER talkative today (maybe because she slept in??), she kept running around saying "I wanna see the doctor!" She got tired of waiting in the lobby and tried to go back all by herself, and was terribly mad when I wouldn't let her. When we got back to the room and during the ultrasound she talked the whole entire time. She kept saying things like, "Mommy sick, got hurt, doctor help her feel better!" and she was really enjoying seeing baby brother up on the screen.

Speaking of baby brother, he is doing really well! Fluid was good and there were no signs of any problems caused by the fall yesterday, thank goodness! He's also growing really well (which is one of the things they were worried about last time), he's measuring a week and four days ahead and supposedly weighs about three pounds, three ounces at this point. I knew he'd been doing some growing recently!

All his little body parts are measuring well and looking good still, and his echogenic bowel is almost completely gone, which is great!

After the tech checked everything, she said, "let me just change over to the other machine really quick". I figured that must mean just a machine with a different frequency or something (ok, I had no idea what she meant, but I just trusted she knew what she needed to do), but suddenly, THIS picture came up on the screen:

All cuddled up :) 3D pic... A little weird, but cool all at the same time, lol ;)

I didn't know they DID 3D ultrasounds at maternal fetal medicine, and since I wasn't planning to spend 80 bucks to get an elective one, I didn't think I'd be getting one. We were surprised, but it was pretty cool! Karl thinks baby looks pretty alien-ish but I think he looks WAY more like a baby than in his alien-demon-skeletor pic... That was pretty creepy looking.

Another side note, we saw a different maternal fetal specialist today, and when came in to check us out, she informed us that she had been the one who had done our ultrasound with Evie. She thought it was kind of cool to see her now on the outside, running around and chattering up a storm!

While I thought this was going to be our final ultrasound this pregnancy, apparently we still get to go in one more time to follow up, just in case, at 34 weeks. I guess I'm happy we get another chance to see him, especially since there aren't any major concerns at this point, but I do feel like I've spent an awful lot of time at maternal fetal medicine! Oh well, I'm just going to be glad I get to see him so often :)

Labor & Delivery, Revisited

We got to go to the hospital a couple of times with Evie, and she was fine, but I really was hoping not to have any reason to do that this time around. My plan was to only have to go to labor and delivery once for the "big day" and to come home with a nice healthy, full term baby. No emergencies, no false alarms, just be there for the birth of my baby and not a minute extra.

Yeah, I'm apparently terribly at following through with my plans. Fate and the lovely winter weather seem to have had something different in store for me...

It all started this morning.

Karl was doing the grave shift and wouldn't be home 'til 12 and I was trying to get Evie ready for church by myself. We were late, of course, so we left the house intending to get there in time for nursery. It had been snowing a little bit, so we were trying to be careful, but it didn't seem that bad--it was warm enough that a lot of the snow was pretty melty. Evie and I got almost to the corner of our street, but that section of sidewalk hadn't been shoveled and it looked like there was enough snow that I didn't want Evie trudging through it in her little church shoes and getting her feet wet and frozen off. So I picked her up, put her on my hip, and we kept going.

Bad idea.

It looked like it was just a bunch of left over snow from the last couple days, so I expected it to be maybe a little slick where the snow had gotten packed down or something, but I took about two steps and suddenly found myself flat on the ground. This was a full out splat kind of a deal too, not one of those falls where you have a chance to kind of catch yourself or fall on your backside, I was just instantly on the ground. Since I was holding Evie, I'd tried to save her and ended up falling sideways onto my hip and arm with her landing on top of me.

Not fully comprehending what had just happened, I tried to right myself while still holding Evie, took kind of a half step, and ended up falling again.

Next to the sidewalk there is kind of a stone retaining wall, and when I fell this time I started to fall towards it, which also happened to be the side I was holding Evie on. All I could see as I started to go over was Evie's head going right towards the rock wall and I was also scared I would fall on top of her, so I desperately tried to get us going in the other direction and ended up right back where I started. This time I managed to land on my knee, hip, and almost kind of caught myself with my hand...

After going down a second time, I started to get smart and set Evie down before trying to get us both upright. I was in a lot of pain, but I got us both up and steady and had a chance to look and see what had happened. Apparently, what I thought was just some crunchy old snow was actually just a thin layer covering a big sheet of ice. Evie and I individually managed to finish crossing it (carefully) all right, but I guess having Evie and baby throwing my weight off was enough to send us sprawling.

I considered taking Evie right back home after that, but we were about half-way to the church and I knew if we didn't go to nursery, I'd have to carry her home, LITERALLY kicking and screaming (which I definitely wasn't up to), so we just went to church and I sat with her in nursery for the last two hours. Since Karl got off of work at the same time church got out, I had him come pick us up and drive us home (seeing as I could barely walk and I couldn't pick Evie up). Maybe this wasn't the most brilliant course of action, in retrospect, but it seemed like the best plan at the time.

We got home, I was in a lot of pain and had a few contractions, but I was fully prepared just to suck it up and ignore my injuries. I didn't though... I'd already used up my brilliant choice for the day. I called the midwife, kinda hoping she'd just tell me to rest and I'd be fine, but she wanted me to go straight to the hospital.

Karl, having been awake for more than 24 hours at this point, was having a hard time staying awake, so I called my parents (who were in the middle of church) and they came down. Evie went home with my dad to hang out with her aunties, and my mom and I headed to the hospital.

What they worry about with falls or similar trauma, is either the placenta detaching and causing fetal distress or that it will cause productive contractions and labor. We got all hooked up to monitors to check on baby's heart rate and contractions, and they did some blood work to see if baby's blood had gotten into mine (indicating a placental abruption).

Baby's heart was great the whole time we were there, the only problem we had was that the nurse would come in, get us all set up with the monitor, and not long after she'd leave the room he'd roll away so that the monitor couldn't pick him up anymore. Then the nurse would have to come back in, search forever to find him, and get us all hooked up again. He did this a few times... Naughty baby!!

My blood work came back fine, and since his heart rate was good and there were no other signs of a problem, it looks like my placenta is fine, which is very relieving!

I was having contractions, some of which were very, VERY uncomfortable, but luckily we got them to subside enough that they were okay sending me home after a few hours. I was given strict instructions that if I noticed a decrease in fetal movement, bleeding, any signs that my water has broken, or if my contractions increased or got worse, that I was to come right back in.

Luckily, since I was released, I haven't had any further issues. I'm just super sore and bruised up, can hardly walk, still can't carry Evie, and I feel like I've pulled about every necessary body part involved in the walking process... But I'm great :)

I guess I should look on the bright side: baby is ok, I got to spend some quality time with my mother, got some super cool accessories (gotta love hospital bracelets), and Evie did really well at my parents' house all day. My one complaint is that they managed to collapse one of my veins while trying to "fix" me, so I ended up coming out of the hospital with more injuries than I went in with. *sigh* The phlebotomist who was stabbing me said, "oops, I guess we should be more careful with your little veins next time." I would have appreciated her being careful the first time, buuuut what can you do...

My beautiful, sore bruise. Not from the fall... but from the hospital.

I am super grateful for all the prayers and good thoughts, and I'm sorry if I worried anyone! I will definitely be a whole lot more careful from now on. I guess I really didn't realize how much of a difference being big and pregnant makes when attempting everyday tasks!

Wake up, baby!

22 week baby, just for fun :)

We woke the baby this morning!

Evie had just gotten up for the day (much earlier than I would have liked) and I was lying on the floor next to her while she read books. She was reading her "big sister" book... which made her want to talk to baby brother and give him hugs. Baby had been perfectly still up until that point, but about 10 seconds after Evie started hugging and talking to my tummy, he started bumping all around in there :) He wasn't really kicking or punching, just "bumping."

I'm pretty sure he already knows her voice (he sure hears it often enough!!), I think it's cute :) I can't wait 'til she can start feeling the baby kicking her, 'cause he sure likes to do it. He loves to bump her whenever she leans on my tummy.

Baby. Brother. Smith. ;)

21 Weeks!!

We've made it beyond the half-way mark!

I meant to do a 20 week post, buuuut it was right before Halloween and I was completely overwhelmed by costume requests... So let's just pretend this makes up for that :)

The last week or two I've been feeling a whole lot better appetite/nausea-wise; I actually want to eat again, YAY!! I've now gained 5 lbs total this pregnancy, thanks to Halloween candy and my renewed interest in food ;)

The awesome rib pain that I love so much has made an entrance, however, but the sciatica/pelvic pain has backed off somewhat, so I guess I'm doing ok in that department. I'm not totally incapacitated as I had feared I would be, anyway, haha.

I'm also finally feeling baby on a regular basis and I'm no longer just feeling flutters, but full on kicks and rolls! It's pretty amazing :) It's so weird that in just a couple of weeks I went from feeling nothing, to feeling random little "bubbles", to feeling such definite, regular movements!!

And now for a cute big sister story:

The other day Evie was in her room saying her name over and over again, "Evie. May. Smiff." and giggling about it. THEN she suddenly stopped, looked right at me, and declared "Baby. Brother. SMIFF!!!" It was absolutely adorable.

I know I say it over and over, but she loves this baby so very much! I love it!! Just hope she keeps loving him this much once he actually gets here ;)

Ultrasound #3

Beautiful Baby Boy!

Ultrasound #3: complete! At 20 weeks our baby boy is STILL a boy (in case you were worried) ;) He's looking good for the most part; currently growing well and still measuring about 5 days ahead. According to the tech he's weighing in at about 14oz!

I'm still a boy!!

We got to see baby bumping around in there and even practicing his sucking skills (it reminded me so much of newborn Evie!). It was really amazing to see him doing something so incredibly baby-like. I feel like up until now he hasn't seemed "real" any of the times I've seen him in there: yeah, he had the whole basic human shape to him, but still didn't seem like an actual baby. Seeing his little mouth moving in there, doing something I've seen babies on the outside do so many times, was really something.

I'm gonna say that the baby boy I'll be holding in my arms in about  20 weeks definitely became a lot more real to me at that moment. Pretty amazing stuff ;)

Little hand up by his face :)

We ALMOST escaped with this being our final ultrasound this pregnancy, but at the very last minute the doctor saw something she didn't like... So we get to go back at least one more time.

She came in telling me how awesome everything looked and was congratulating me on not needing to come back in, but just as she was wrapping up, she noticed that baby has an echogenic bowel. Basically, his cute little intestines were showing up white in the ultrasound (like bone does) when they should show up dark. 

This could be an indicator of a bunch of things, including infection, trisomy or cystic fibrosis, or something that might restrict his growth later on in the pregnancy... Or it could be absolutely nothing. 

Since we've done a bunch of tests looking for things like trisomy and they've come back with really good results, the doctor wasn't so worried about that, her main concern I think was that it's either an infection (toxoplasmosis or cytomegalovirus) or something that would cause intrauterine growth restriction as the pregnancy continues.

We did a blood test to check out the infection theory (waiting on results) and we'll be going in at 28 weeks to see if it has gone away on its own and to check up on his growth. If it's still there and he seems to be falling behind in his growth at all, we'll have to come in weekly to check his growth and fluids.

The doctor wasn't severely concerned, she mostly wanted to check up on things to be on the safe side, so I'm not super worried, but it's still a little stressful to know that there is the potential for something to be wrong with our little one!

Our next ultrasound will be right around Christmas (I'll be 28 weeks on the 23rd!), so we're hoping and praying for good news!

Final picture: five little toes :D

Movement

19 weeks today, and where to start...

I guess the most exciting thing is that in the last week I've finally started feeling some movement!

A few days ago I collapsed in bed (laying on my tummy) after Karl finally woke up and took over for me for a few minutes, and I felt some little flutters! They were low down on my right side, and when they would stop I kept wondering if I had imagined it, or if it was just some bubbles or something, but then they would start again and it felt a whole lot like baby! Later that night I was just sitting in the bedroom talking to Karl and I got a pretty noticeable little thump, again, pretty low. Then yesterday, we were sitting in the car, about to get out and go into the house, when I got I good little kick (or punch) right where my seat belt was pushing on my tummy! I've been feeling more and more little movements ever since, but it's all still very random and not very noticeable for the most part.

I've decided having an anterior placenta stinks... I was so sure that this time around I'd catch a break and I was all prepared to feel my baby earlier, but no. It's also supposedly more common to have a posterior placenta, but I'm just super lucky I guess. The front of my uterus is just the cool place to implant, apparently ;)

In other news, we got our test results back from our integrated screening, and this baby has less than a 1 in 10,000 chance of having down syndrome, trisomy 18, or spina bifida. Yay! And since baby was measuring well with no soft markers for down syndrome, and no signs of cleft lip or any other defects, it looks like baby is healthy! This isn't a guarantee that there isn't anything wrong, but it is nice to have some reassurance. We still have one ultrasound to go to check things out next week, so hopefully everything is still fine and dandy in there (and hopefully our little guy is still a boy, lol)!

Also, I've gained a couple pounds! I'm now up to 3 lbs over my pre-pregnancy weight, and I think I'm happy about that... But now I get to freak out over the whole gaining thing, lol. I'm just never happy.

Anyway, things are starting to pick up a little, and I have started to bond a little bit more, so I'm hoping that the next few weeks will be even better :)

17 Weeks and the Weight Issue

17 weeks today (or if I go by ultrasound dates... 17 weeks 5 days)! I honestly feel like I should be soooo much farther along than that; this pregnancy seems to be going so slowly!! I'm really hoping it picks up soon.

Also, I'm up 1 pound. Well, I actually went down a pound, so I guess it really means that I've gained 2 total, but I'm up a pound from my pre-pregnancy weight.

I am having a terrible time gaining weight! This is not generally a problem for me (unless I'm hyperthyroid). I usually eat despite the calories in my food (definitely an emotional eater), now I eat based only on calories :/ I hate eating and I hate food. Nothing tastes good and everything I eat makes me feel horrible. So... yeah.


Just hoping for better days ahead, eating wise ;)

Ultrasound #2, and it's a...

Demon-alien-skeletor!!!

 Just kidding... I love my baby, but this picture is pretty creepy looking. I thought I'd share for the sake of Halloween being right around the corner ;) Also, the doctor looked at these face pictures and kept telling us what a cute baby we have on the way... Between that and her comments about me being thin, kinda not sure about her judgement, lol.

ANYWAY, point is, we got to go to our ultrasound today, YAY! Karl and Evie got to go this time too, which was a fun adventure. 

A cuter, though blurry, pic of our little-one :)

The ultrasound went really well. The tech was pretty rough on my tummy, and her pictures weren't great, but it wasn't too bad of an experience. Evie was very interested... for about two minutes, then she wanted to go back to playing with her baby game, haha.

Baby was once again pretty chill and kept turning away from the tech so she couldn't get a shot of the face, lol. I don't know if we've just caught the babe at nap time twice (I even drank a bunch of OJ right before to help wake bebe up!) but this kid seems much more calm than the Evie-Cakes!

I have an anterior placenta again, which means it's probably going to be longer before I really feel anything, and a longer wait before we can feel baby from the outside, which makes me a little sad, but we'll see how it goes. Baby is also currently head down facing my right side and there is a baby bum hanging out just below my belly button ;)

Everything is measuring perfectly and looks good! Still measuring 5 days ahead, which is exactly what we were measuring last time. No soft markers for down syndrome, no cleft lip from what they could see, heart is looking good so far, fluid was good and no signs of pre-term labor... So happy!!

Waving hello!

 Also, the tech DID ask us if we wanted to know the gender... and we said YES. I Tried looking while the tech was moving around looking at things, but I didn't really see anything, so I was kind of thinking it must be a girl... but the picture was pretty hard to see! The tech finally got through with all her measurements and she suddenly said, "well THAT'S not umbilical cord!" I wasn't quite sure what she was looking at at first, but apparently, THAT little extra appendage means we are having a BOY! Apparently my mommy-intuition was indeed correct, I don't know why I doubted ;)

Bum pic!!

I'm still super nervous that our boy is somehow going to end up being a girl at our next ultrasound... but both the doctor and the tech (who looked separately!) seemed pretty sure he's a boy in there!

I'm also a little nervous about the prospect of being a mommy to a boy, but we're excited! We just have to get though the issue of names (Karl and I have differing opinions here), circumcision, and somehow coming up with a bunch of boy stuff, since all we've got are very feminine items... But I'm sure it's going to be great! 

Time for a little blue in our princess castle ;)

10 1/2 hours...

First off, happy 1st day of October! So excited for this month!!

Secondly, we have an ultrasound tomorrow (in almost exactly 10 1/2 hours)!!! I'm super excited to see baby, but I'm trying really hard not to get my hopes up about finding out whether we have another girly on the way or if we're getting a little bit more testosterone in our house!

They MIGHT not even look, and even if they do, the baby MIGHT no cooperate, and even if baby does, it MIGHT be inaccurate still at this point... So yeah... Trying to prepare myself for the worst, but it's not really working.

For most of this pregnancy I've been pretty convinced this kid was a boy. I don't particularly want a boy more than a girl or anything, but for some reason I just had it in my head that it was a boy. Every time I thought about baby I would just automatically use "him/he". The last couple weeks though, I've been starting to get unsure! I've had two separate people tell me (based on our last ultrasound/how I'm carrying) that it's a girl, so I've been trying to prepare myself to wrap my head around that outcome, and now I just don't know!

This is like the complete opposite of how it went with Evie. I had no feelings or intuition about her gender forEVER. People kept asking me what I thought and I felt so lame saying that I had no idea. Then, the week or so before the ultrasound, I started feeling "girl", still not superly firm in my mind, but I was getting a girly vibe.

Garg! I just don't know what to think this time around!

Luckily, neither Karl nor I have super strong feelings either way. A boy would be awesome, since we don't have one of those, it would be cool to try it out! It would be nice for Karl to have a boy to be more manly with too, but we've also identified some downsides... On the other hand, we know girls are awesome, we know how to deal with them, and we have all the stuff we need for one already, so that would be cool too. And it would be cute for Evie to have a sister.

Either way, we're happy. The thing I'm not happy about, is the waiting!! Let's see if I can get any sleep tonight!

16 Weeks and Feelin' Big ;)

This baby has officially made it's presence known to the world... Lol, definitely no hiding it now ;) Surprisingly, I'm still at my pre-pregnancy weight. I'm having a hard time gaining, though it certainly doesn't show, haha.

Also, while I'm here, I think I should mention a bit about cravings... This whole pregnancy I've only really wanted savory type things (well, during those brief periods when I've wanted anything at all), unlike Evie's pregnancy where what I wanted was all things SUGARY.

Right now what I'm going to call my cravings (but might be more like the only things I feel like eating), are J.J.B.L.T.s (from Jimmy John's) with cheese, onion, and oil & vinegar, and Starbursts (seriously, my favorite candy in the world right now).

Just thought I'd throw that out there, you know, in case anyone ever wants to make the the crazy pregnant lady happy... haha

Surreality, pt II

Getting close to 16 weeks and I'm still having a hard time really connecting with this pregnancy... I can't seem to keep myself excited about the whole thing, because most of the time I don't even feel pregnant. It's not that I am not intensely aware of my many pregnancy symptoms or that I don't look extremely pregnant (the belly has more than definitely "popped"!), but I just don't relate it all to the fact that I'm pregnant. 

I want this baby and I'm happy for this pregnancy, but for some reason it just hasn't clicked in my head. I've even seen baby moving around in there and I haven't gotten it yet. I have an ultrasound pic of our little-one in a frame in our living room, but when I look at it I seriously could be looking at someone else's ultrasound, I really don't have any feelings there yet. 

My brain also really can't grasp the idea that I'm going to be a mommy (again) in just a few months! This time next year I'm going to have a toddler AND a baby, and it just doesn't seem real! I think I may be in denial, haha.

I'm trying to remember how things went with Evie, but maybe I'm comparing a little too much. I know that by the time we had her ultrasound and found out she was a girl, I had a pretty good "bond" with her, but I forget that wasn't until 20 weeks and that was right around the time I finally started feeling her move. This time around I got to see baby so much earlier and haven't felt any movement so far. I'm thinking that's when it's really going to hit me. 

The other problem I think I'm having is that I just don't have the mental energy to spend on this pregnancy that I did with Evie's. I have to devote most of my brain power to the child who needs (sooooo much of) my active attention, plus there are so many "family issues" that are taking up my attention (well, stress), so I really don't have much to spare for daydreaming and bonding with the kid who doesn't remind me he/she is there every two seconds.

We've got two ultrasounds coming up in the next few weeks, so hopefully we'll get to know a little more about who this little person is, and I'm hoping to start feeling him/her soon!

I'm sure that in the next month or so reality will finally set in, to some extent, I just feel a little bit like a terrible mom in the mean time!

PAIN

All right, this is a complaint post...

With Evie I don't remember being in this kind of pain (or having to waddle when I walked) until the last couple of months, and by then delivery was in sight! I definitely remember feeling like my pelvis was seriously just going to fall apart every time I walked for the last bit, but I was so close to the end!

Now here I am at 15 and a half weeks and I already have been suffering from terrible sciatica and symphysis pubis dysfunction for a while now :( Which means that basically, every bit of my pelvis hurts when I make just about any movement. Just walking is pretty painful, but having a toddler means that I spend most of my day lifting, carrying, crawling, and getting up and down off the floor. It hurts, but with a toddler there's just no other option.

I'd like to see a chiropractor and see if there's anything that can be done to help, because so far the internet has no other suggestions besides taking a hot bath and not moving so much... If that doesn't help then I'm really afraid of how I'm going to get through the next 5 and a half months without needing a wheel chair!!

I know each pregnancy is different, but I didn't expect this! I kinda feel like I went straight from 1st trimester misery to 3rd trimester misery, without that glorious respite in between. I guess on the bright side, the horrible rib pain that plagued me with Evie has been minimal this time around...

Yay for the little things, I guess, haha.

2nd Trimester

Today I celebrated finally reaching my second trimester by vomiting while Evie patted me on the back...

shouting: "Spank your bum!! Spank your bum!!"

*sigh*

Morning sickness is definitely a different experience with a toddler in tow ;)

Our "Announcement"

Finally made it facebook official ;)  Can't believe my little baby is going to be a big sister!!

In other totally cute news: Evie loves to look at pictures of herself from the hospital the day she was born--with the doctors and all the different people holding newborn Evie. We talk about how she got bigger and bigger in my tummy and then we went to the hospital and the doctor helped us get her out. It's so cute... She brings it up all the time and loves to talk about how our baby is growing bigger and bigger. She likes to say to my tummy: "Hi baby! I-uh pay wi you!" or in other words, "hi baby! I want to play with you!"

She loves this kid already and is so excited... I really wish she didn't have so long to wait to meet her baby, lol!

12 Weeks!

We've made it to 12 weeks! There is honestly something magical about this week in my pregnancies (the theory seems to be holding up so far any way), in the last few days I've been so much happier, had a bit more energy, and have been able to eat more. I feel like my attitude has done a complete 180! I will admit that in the last couple weeks I've had more than a few "I am the worst mother/wife in the world" and "How am I ever going to do two when I am failing miserably at handling my toddler??" meltdowns...

It's amazing what a little energy and a semi regular blood sugar level can do for a person!

Today I got an extra mood booster, I got to get a good look at baby for the first time! Didn't get super great pictures, but I love them anyway ;)

Hello!

I went in for my integrated screening to check for genetic problems this morning, which was scheduled for 8:45 am, and they didn't call me back until after 9:15! I was starting to go a little crazy just waiting and waiting in the hospital lobby listening to people talking about all the horrible health problems they had (maternal fetal medicine shares an office/waiting room with oncology!), but they did come get me eventually. I had to talk to a genetic counselor, and then I got to see baby!

They needed to get some very specific measurements, and baby wasn't being cooperative AT ALL. Always facing the wrong way and kept rolling in the wrong direction... Definitely my child ;) Seems to be a lot calmer than Evie was, but maybe it was just nap time, haha. Anyway, we finally got the measurements we needed (after the tech bounced the baby, made me roll back and forth, go to the bathroom, and walk around for 5 minutes), and the doctor came in to talk to me about them.

Apparently everything so far looks fine and dandy, but there is a chance that I may be a carrier for a genetic translocation (which would mean a high chance of trisomies and miscarriage... normally more of a random fluke, but not with a translocation :/ ), and since I can't afford $2000 to get a karyotype done, they want to check on baby again in about a month, and then again at the regular 20 week ultrasound. So we may be able to find out if we're having a boy or a girl on October 2nd, 4 weeks earlier than I thought! Doctor said I shouldn't be worried, since things looked good so far, so I'm pretty excited just to be able to see bebe again!

That whole adventure ended up taking me over two hours (with Evie and Karl going crazy at home, gah!), and I still had my regular 12 week appointment to go to! I ended up taking Evie with me to my appointment by myself, which was a little crazy, but she was also very cute. She sat next to me on the little table while the midwife listened for baby's heartbeat, and she was totally transfixed by the sound. She kept talking about hearing the baby the whole car ride home, and couldn't wait to tell daddy all about it! She also loved the toys in the office and the "alligator" (aka, the elevator, haha).

It's been a hectic day (and I actually still need to get bloodwork done once Karl gets back with the car), but I'm pretty satisfied with the results. Also, I'm finally ready to officially announce that I'm having a baby! I'm just waiting on a picture so we can do it in a cute manner ;)

Squishy Tummy

11 Weeks

All right, I feel like I've complained a lot in my posts so far (first trimester has been rough!) so I thought it was time for something cute. Annnd, by cute I don't mean my 11 week belly picture, but I need to get that out of the way too ;) I actually had intended to do a 10 week pic, for the sake of nice round numbers, but I'm kind of glad we did it this week since I feel like I have a bit more going on in the belly department this week. 

I asked Karl a few days ago, if he didn't know I was pregnant, would he think I was or would he just think I was fat? I probably shouldn't ask questions I don't want answers to, lol... He said if he didn't know, he'd think I was just a little chunky. *sigh* So not quite to the cute pregnant stage yet, still in the chubby stage. I know it's really early to be showing, but I'd much rather skip through the chubby and go right for baby belly ;) I guess I still have about a week and a half before I'm "going public", so waiting a little longer is ok. I just don't like feeling fat!!

Ok, NOW for the cute stuff:

Baby hugs!!

I really didn't have any specific plans for telling Evie about the baby, but it kind of just came out, lol. I also didn't think she'd accept the information as readily as she did (I mean, a baby... in mommy's tummy... weird), but she's super cute about it! There's a picture of me being huge and pregnant with her in our scrapbook that she loves to look at, so forever ago I told her that there was a baby in my tummy in that picture. She was totally fine with that, and so when we talked about there being a baby in my tummy now, she was very excited. 

She likes to run up to me randomly say "look, see, baby tummy!" and I lift up my shirt and she looks at and pokes my "squishy tummy". She likes to say, "Baby in there! Growing, bigger!" Then she gives the baby hugs or pretends to pick up the baby and hold it. She is such a sweetie when she wants to be, haha!

First Appointment!

We had our very first prenatal appointment today!

I was a little anxious (but when am I not?)...

This morning I fell asleep and took a short nap, so of course, I had a dream that I got up to go to the bathroom and there was blood and I'd had a miscarriage. TERRIBLE, totally stressed me out for a bit. Darn pregnancy dreams just feel so real! I have a hard time not letting them affect me.

Anyway, I went on with my day and tried not to be freaked out. We dropped Evie off with my parents and Karl and I went off to my appointment! There was actually a lot less paperwork and filling things out than I expected, I guess since they already had most of my info from Evie's pregnancy. Yay!

I went back to the exam room and I was a little disappointed that I didn't see a doppler machine in the room, but I was pretty sure they weren't going to try get a heart beat anyway. However, when the midwife came in, she had this weird little electronic device, and I started to get my hopes up! It actually wasn't a doppler... It was a little hand held ultrasound device, so cool! They definitely didn't have one of those in the office the last time around. After I got all thoroughly and uncomfortably examined, we were able to see the baby!!

It looked a lot like a little jelly bean in there, not much more than a slightly baby shaped blob still, but we did get to see the little flicker of a heartbeat! So amazing and comforting to know there's actually a baby in there AND that it's alive with a heart beat. I wasn't expecting to be able to get an ultrasound until 20 weeks, so this was much better than I could have hoped for! There's really just something so reassuring about being able to see what's going on in there, I'm so grateful we had a chance to see our baby-bean!

Everything apparently looks good so far, and I am finally starting to feel like I'm allowed to be excited!

8 Weeks

We've made it to 8 weeks... Hurray!

Everyone is still alive and in one piece, although I can't say the same for our apartment... Karl's been trying to clean and I've occasionally attempted something, but it's definitely not been enough :/

So... an update: about a week ago I had some cramping and a little bleeding, which was very stressful at the time, but it stopped the same day and hasn't come back since. I'm not super worried about it, but it definitely wasn't fun :(

As far as symptoms go, my nausea has decreased quite a bit, I feel sick if I let my self get hungry (which stinks, because everything sounds utterly disgusting), and my tummy is uncomfortable most of the time, but at least I'm not too nauseous and I haven't thrown up much this time around. I've had a few pretty bad days (sick-wise) but it's actually been tons better than with Evie (though I've been kind of a baby, haha). Having Evie around HAS made it way harder, however... So I'm figuring I'll say it's about even with the last pregnancy, lol. My biggest issue right now is the fatigue; I am SO TIRED. I think I could literally sleep for a month, which is not helpful when you have a toddler. Garg.

In other news, I have my first appointment set up for next Tuesday! Yay! I'll only be about 9 weeks, so I'm afraid they aren't going to be able to find baby's heartbeat, or even try to find it, which makes me sad. I don't want to have to wait another 4 weeks to hear it!! But at least I'll get to get started on my long journey of prenatal visits; maybe I'll actually start to feel like this whole thing is a little more real!

Also, the past several days Evie has been incredibly clingy and has spent about 90% of her waking hours throwing tantrums... about what? Most of the time SHE doesn't even know. I'm pretty sure she's teething, poor baby! The timing is pretty bad though, I don't have the patience or energy to deal with her when she's like this, and she doesn't want daddy... like at all. We finally got her some infant ibuprofen, and she's been SOOO much better. I'm sad we didn't get to the store sooner!

Anyhow, that's how things are going at the moment, still praying that things are going well with baby-bean!

"Are you sure you want to be pregnant?"

This is the question that my dearest hubby asked me yesterday...

Let me set the stage for you, if I may:

Yesterday evening I started getting really sick. I haven't been able to nap because I'm just too hot, sick, and uncomfortable, so I was also really tired. I was lying in bed trying not to be sick, while my darling 19 month old bounced up and down on me chanting "mommy mommy mommy". Not the most comfortable situation I've ever been in. Finally Karl finished what he was doing, grabbed the baby, and shut the bedroom door behind them so I could get some peace. I was super nauseated but also felt like I was starving to death, and all I could think of wanting to eat was my mom's tacos. This led me to think about how much I just wanted my mommy at that moment, and how, even if she weren't too busy with all the crazy kids she still has at home, she wasn't even in town that day. THAT made me break down sobbing until I eventually fell asleep...

I woke up once during my hour and a half nap, thought I felt better, got up to check on my family, was instantly overcome with a wave of nausea, and decided it wasn't worth it.

When I did finally get up, I felt less sick, but my insides just all hurt. A few hours later I got super sick and spent the rest of the night with my good friend the toilet... It was great.

Anyway, it was amidst all this that Karl, my beloved hubby, asked if I was really sure I wanted to be pregnant.

I just had to laugh.

First off, that question PROBABLY should have been thoroughly explored about a month ago, rather than now, when I don't have too much say in the deal.

Secondly, to be honest, I'm NOT sure I want to be pregnant. In fact, I'm pretty sure it was right around this point in my last pregnancy that I decided that I never wanted to be pregnant again. The first trimester is basically concentrated evil wrapped in torment and misery, in my opinion, and I hate it.

It does get better though, I know it does. There are so many good things about being pregnant that I absolutely love, but to answer the question I definitely do not want to be at THIS particular point in my pregnancy.

I am excited for this baby, I just wish we could skip the miserable stuff!!

Bleh

So I totally forgot that when I'm pregnant I hiccup like a drunken cartoon character, and do so with an alarming frequency...

*sigh*

So it Begins...

Well, I think we are finally starting to get into the hardcore pregnancy symptoms... yay.

On the one hand, it does make me feel slightly less nervous and paranoid that something is wrong/not going normally.  On the other hand, I just remembered how much I HATED this the last time around.

Oh well, it's all going to be worth it in the end, I suppose ;)

Anyway, yesterday morning I started feeling a little nauseous and it just got worse and worse. Today I felt pretty miserable all day long. I didn't really get a break until about 7 pm, just in time to do Evie's whole bed time routine and put her down for the night.  Luckily Karl was home all day and willing to pick up the slack with Evie so I could be miserable. I love him! I feel so bad that I wasn't able to be present and involved with Evie very much, makes me sad! I'm also worried because I'm assuming this is only going to get worse in the next couple of weeks, and Karl's not always going to be able to help this much. Scary!  Not sure how it's going to go, but I guess we'll make it somehow! It was definitely easier being pregnant the first time around... I got a ton more sleep, anyway! Kinda jealous of past-me, lol.

During my nap this afternoon (which was, once again, facilitated by my hubby) I had my first super vivid pregnancy dream, which was weird, of course.  I just can't help but wonder why, if they're going to be so realistic, can't they be about happy things like relaxing in Hawaii with my family and eating delicious food with a non-queasy stomach??

Instead I dreamed that I was in a church building walking around the halls with Evie, and I kept running into extended family members and random people from the ward. There was something going on in the cultural hall, and I kept catching glimpses as people would go in and out, but I didn't know what was happening. Eventually, I ran into my mom and we were talking and she finally opened the door and let me into the room. Inside every one was standing around talking in hushed voices and looking at this tiny baby and people were taking turns holding him. My dad was there holding the baby when I came in, and I suddenly realized that the baby wasn't alive and I was at the church for some kind of funeral for this little boy. And then I woke up...  And I can't help but think, "REALLY?? WHAT THE HECK, BRAIN? WHY SO DEPRESSING? ?"

Ugh...

I remember I had one dream when I was pregnant with Evie about her suddenly being born months early, at home, and no matter how hard I tried I couldn't get her to the hospital in time and she died. It was bizarre, but so realistic and terrifying that I woke up crying and made Karl (who was in the other room working with a friend) come back in and comfort me.

I think I must be stressed or something... Maybe this is my paranoia taking advantage of my pregnancy hormones.  *sigh*

Anyway... That's how things stand at this point. Just praying my family and I make it through the next few weeks in one piece, should be exciting!

Surreality

Pregnancy at this stage is so incredibly surreal. I can barely keep myself convinced that I actually am pregnant.

I mean, it's been a week since I last took a pregnancy test (I have to keep it on the bathroom counter, just to prove that I didn't imagine it!), and I have some general symptoms, but nothing really definitive has set in yet (still waiting on that morning sickness, bleh).

I think that, aside from just being terrified that I'll miscarry, the reason I'm so reluctant to tell anyone the "news" at this is point is that I feel weird sharing with other people something my own mind has yet to really accept. I guess, on the other hand, it's better for me to not fully accept it, in case something does go wrong (since there's still a higher possibility of that happening, at this point).

I don't know... It's crazy...

I just can't wait for all those things like hearing the heartbeat, feeling movement, or finally seeing a baby in there on an ultrasound to finally prove it to myself. It all seems so far away though! I don't even get to have my first prenatal visit until 12 weeks, I believe.

I don't know how I'll survive waiting the next several weeks!

Good-Bye, Waist...

5 Weeks!

Farewell, my dearest waist. You are still much more squishy than I would have liked after our last journey outwards, but it was nice to have you while I could. 

See you in 8 months or so!

False Negative

So,  this morning I decided it was high time that I go to the clinic and make things officially official. Though, I didn't decide this until after I had just gone to the bathroom... *sigh* Luckily for me,  first trimester hormones were working in my favor and by the time we got there I REALLY had to pee again (yeah, this was only about 20 minutes later...) 

Anyway, went back with the nurse who handed me a cup and asked "are you expecting this to be positive or negative?" Now, at this point I had already taken 5 home pregnancy tests of varying sensitivity and brand and every last one came back with two little lines (starting 5 days ago) and I am 4 days past when my period was supposed to start,  so I was pretty darn positive it would be positive! Anyway, did my thing and went to meet the nurse who was standing there performing my test (ie. sticking a test strip in a cup) and she started asking me all these questions about what made me think I was pregnant.  I thought she was just making small talk at first,  but then eventually she said "well,  it's probably just too early,  I'll give it a couple more minutes to see if we can get anything." So we spent a minute or two continuing our slightly awkward conversation about all the reasons a person might think she is pregnant before she eventually pronounced the test to be negative and told me to come back in a couple weeks if my period hadn't started yet. 

Frustrating... and slightly unnerving to be honest. So, disappointed, we went home. I had one pregnancy test left over from my testing binge and I decided to take it as soon as I got home (yes, I already had enough of the necessary material to complete the test... haha), and sure enough, it was almost immediately positive! Not only that, but it was quite a bit darker than the test of the same brand I had taken 4 days earlier, which was extremely reassuring!

Anyway, in all my days of peeing on sticks, I have never gotten a false negative (even the dollar store tests came back with a pretty strong line this time around!), and the last thing I expected was to get one from the "official" test.  Oh well, at least with all the bloating, indigestion, fatigue, and needing to pee every five minutes, it seems pretty definite to me that I'm pregnant, no matter the results of that stupid test...

*Update* 7/11:

Went back in to the clinic today and had almost an IDENTICAL experience to the one I had on Monday... *sigh* Either that nurse doesn't know how to read a pregnancy test, or they are the LEAST sensitive tests in the world, but either way, SO FRUSTRATING! However, we finally managed to get a faint line and that was enough to call it! So it's official, we've got a baby on the way!

Baby Smith #2

So... I'm expecting! We just got a positive pregnancy test (and a few since...) on Thursday--happy 4th of July to us! 

Baby Smith #2 is going to be joining us St. Patrick's Day (03/17/14)!

So far I don't have many 1st trimester symptoms going on; I'm a little more tired than usual, I have to pee a bit more frequently, and my tummy has been a little uncomfortable for the last week or so, but other than that, things are good! I feel a little bit like Marshall on How I Met Your Mother, when he's waiting for the food poisoning to kick in... Last time around, the morning sickness, super-human sense of smell thing, and the crippling fatigue hit me full force around 7 weeks... So I feel like I've only got a couple more weeks to enjoy life before utter misery sets in (at least until around 12 weeks, which is when I finally started feeling better).  I guess I have no idea how this one is going to go, could be worse, could be better... But I'm REALLY hoping for better!!

With this pregnancy one thing I'm loving is how incredibly excited and on-board Karl is. With Evie, it was definitely a mutual decision that it was time for a baby to join our family, but he still had a lot of reservations (which is totally understandable). This time though, he just loves Evie so much and has loved having her as a part of our little "team" for the last year and a half, so he's much more happy with the idea of this new baby. Also, I feel like he's a lot more understanding and it's more real to him now that we've gone through this process once already. Last time around he was really great by the end, but I think the first couple of months are so surreal (for mommy too, but especially for dad) that it's easy for daddies to be a little disconnected for awhile. I feel like he's a lot more conscious of the whole thing from the very beginning this time.

I feel like I'm definitely in a different place too with this baby. Last time I really wanted a baby, but I really couldn't fathom adding another person to our comfortable little couple. This time I do still have my brief thoughts in the back of my mind about how it will be to add another person to our perfect little trio, but at the same time, I know full well that we can do it. I know it will take adjustments, but it's one of those things you just "do", it kind of just happens over time and it doesn't need to be a huge deal. Even though I'm sure there will be a lot of hard moments to work through, I am just so happy for this baby. I feel like Evie will be a fantastic big sister and we are all just so ready to welcome this new little person into our lives!

Wish us luck! I'm praying for a happy and healthy next 8.5 months!